child-abuse-isnt-sexy:

I think all aces and aros are LGBTQ+
I think trans women are women
I think trans men are men
I think biphobia is gross

inkskinned:

the art of saying no was a numbing in our mouths. we learned how to form it gently, to swallow the punch, to let down with gentlest hands. we learned how to fake a smile, to force a chuckle, to take disgust and turn it into polite denial, to take fear and weigh our options and submit. 

he said he needed sex because oh it hurt how we made him. he said we should have just smiled back at him. he said that we could have learned karate to fight them. he said that we couldn’t say no, he was our boyfriend. 

how many girls are raised to feel guilty for no. we feel it must come with a reason. our no has to have qualifications. if our no isn’t enough, we are expected to cave in. 

the battle of our inner strength and our outer bodies. how we calculate small injustice versus our personal safety. how we’d form no in small ways that made him feel like it was our fault. how we’d let him down in a way he wouldn’t follow us home. we’d say no without the words; lying about sudden appointments or phone calls, we’d invent husbands, we’d suddenly become best friends with the woman beside us. we always had someone waiting at home for us - usually big and angry - who would notice if we were missing. we enter in our phone numbers with the last two digits switched. we say we’re going to the bathroom we’ll be right back before we take off running. 

and our no, those two letters, was never good enough. we either rejected him too harshly or not clearly. if we said no, we weren’t in love. the no was too forceful, the no was too gentle. the no meant ask nicely, the no meant keep persisting. the no was because we’re all catty and cruel and hate nice men. the no was because we’re all paranoid bitches. the no was wait long enough and it’s a yes. the no was playing hard to get.

and our life was learning. it amazes me sometimes when men tell me, “but she never said no” and i hear her story. how he was her boss and she would lose her job and it was her everything. how he said no but men aren’t allowed to refuse these things. i was thirteen the first time i had to spend a two hour train ride gently turning down a middle-aged man and someone else told me i should have just screamed or hit him or done something. how the girls i told all nodded solemnly because they know what it’s like to be thirteen and scared and to be eighteen and scared and how to be twenty-three and scared. because we’ve all said no and had it blow up in our faces. we’ve watched men turn from flirty to aggressive. we’ve seen what happens to our friends.

but in the end it’s our fault. don’t you know a man can’t take rejection.

elesheva:

recently it has come to my attention that you are not all grocery shopping with your friends. you should grocery shop with your friends. it is fun and it counts as socializing and you can all get excited about buying eggs together. thank you for reading my post about grocery shopping with your friends.

thegazingabyss666:

don’t let anyone tell you that your life would be better without medication

don’t let people insinuate that a life without medication is ideal

don’t let people tell you that medications are only for “crazy” people

don’t let people tell you that you can do things without medications when medications are what make it possible for you to do those things

don’t let people tell you that you’re not “healthy” because you take medications

don’t let people insinuate that you are “giving up” by taking medications

don’t let people suggest that your goal should be to completely “recover” and get off your medications

don’t let people say that you’re “not being yourself” because you take meds

don’t let people say that you’ll “be yourself” if you go off your medications

don’t let people insinuate that you are bad for taking medications

You can make your own decisions about your health. Discussions about medications should be between you and your doctor, who I promise is more knowledgeable about this than the average person who is med-shaming.

thegazingabyss666:

don’t let anyone tell you that your life would be better without medication

don’t let people insinuate that a life without medication is ideal

don’t let people tell you that medications are only for “crazy” people

don’t let people tell you that you can do things without medications when medications are what make it possible for you to do those things

don’t let people tell you that you’re not “healthy” because you take medications

don’t let people insinuate that you are “giving up” by taking medications

don’t let people suggest that your goal should be to completely “recover” and get off your medications

don’t let people say that you’re “not being yourself” because you take meds

don’t let people say that you’ll “be yourself” if you go off your medications

don’t let people insinuate that you are bad for taking medications

You can make your own decisions about your health. Discussions about medications should be between you and your doctor, who I promise is more knowledgeable about this than the average person who is med-shaming.

bombing:

i expressed an opinion here once

calellon:

if ur rich and feel like spoiling a total stranger on the internet u need to speak tf up

geekdawson:

one of the more valuable things I’ve learned in life as a survivor of a mentally unstable parent is that it is likely that no one has thought through it as much as you have. 

no, your friend probably has not noticed they cut you off four times in this conversation. 

no, your brother didn’t realize his music was that loud while you were studying. 

no, your bff or S.O. doesn’t remember that you’re on a tight deadline right now.

no, no one else is paying attention to the four power dynamics at play in your friend group right now.  

a habit of abused kids, especially kids with unstable parents, is the tendency to notice every little detail. We magnify small nuances into major things, largely because small nuances quickly became breaking points for parents. Managing moods, reading the room, perceiving danger in the order of words, the shift of body weight….it’s all a natural outgrowth of trying to manage unstable parents from a young age. 

Here’s the thing: most people don’t do that. I’m not saying everyone else is oblivious, I’m saying the over analysis of minor nuances is a habit of abuse. 

I have a rule: I do not respond to subtext. This includes guilt tripping, silent treatments, passive aggressive behavior, etc. I see it. I notice it. I even sometimes have to analyze it and take a deep breath and CHOOSE not to respond. Because whether it’s really there or just me over-reading things that actually don’t mean anything, the habit of lending credence to the part of me that sees danger in the wrong shift of body weight…that’s toxic for me. And dangerous to my relationships. 

The best thing I ever did for myself and my relationships was insist upon frank communication and a categorical denial of subtext. For some people this is a moral stance. For survivors of mentally unstable parents this is a requirement of recovery.